The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Judith Wallerstein

The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Judith Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee

I have two close friends. I love them deeply and they are children of divorce. I knew some of what they went through. I just assumed that that was life and they were taking the curveballs of life just like everyone else. I was determined to be there for their sake. Just as often, they were determined to be there for mine. Wallerstien has shown me much of what they went through, how their hearts were shaped, the battles that they are fighting, things that I see but just don’t get. I am thankful to have read this book. I hope, now that I know better, that I will be better able to love them. Their battle to trust in others and to believe that their lives and marriages will be better than that of their parents astounds me. I stand in awe of their strength.

If you are or know someone who has been through a divorce, and chances are you do, this book is for you.

Wallerstien and her colleagues started to study the children of divorce in 1971. They interviewed and assessed the children that were a part of their study for a number of years afterward. “But as time progressed, I [Wallerstien] became increasingly worried that divorce is a long-term crisis that was affecting the psychological profile of an entire generation.” (xxvii) As she continued to interview children she found,“Whether the final outcome is good or bad, the whole trajectory of individual’s life is profoundly altered by the divorce experience.” (xxvii)

She wrote stories about children, who they were, what they looked like. These stories followed each child into their teenage years, early adulthood, and adulthood (30s). These stories are conglomerations of many other stories. The events are real but the names, dates and places were changed to protect privacy. The pain, loss, fear, rage, brokenness, sorrow, and triumph in each story was palpable. To her, it becomes “…clear that thousands of parents and children in divorced families, it’s clear that we’ve created a new kind of society never before seen in human culture. Silently and unconsciously, we have created a culture of divorce.” (295) It became clear that “The effects of divorce are cumulative on children. It affects the more they grow up, not less. “In adulthood it affects personality, the ability to trust, expectations about relationships, and ability to cope with change.” (298)

Some of my aforementioned friends are married. Some are not. I never knew what they were fighting to even trust another person. I am grateful for this book. The implications of her study are limited in scope, by the demographics of her participants and in power, (since most of her data is anecdotal); Dr. Wallerstein and her colleagues spoke up for children. They suggested practical ways to protect children from the ravages of divorce and help them to flourish as human beings. I think their aims and mode executing it glorifies God.

Appendix: Research sample 317

 This section gives a look at the study’s demographics, design, methodology, and data analysis.